Ultimate violence for bankers

Deal professionals are finding ways to sharpen their skill sets in the down market. For what it's worth, Tim Larkin is available to teach them how to kill.

The Las Vegas-based martial arts expert is reaching out to financial types with ‘reality fighting’ self-defence training courses.

In a statement announcing a London training event, Larkin declares: “Passivity and negotiation is not an option if you want to survive. Ultimate violence is.”

If widely adopted, this attitude could make corporate restructurings far more dangerous. Larkin continues: “Investment bankers … need to be able to protect themselves against attacks with sharp-edged weapons”.

Is that what they're calling ballpoint pens these days?

Finally, from the announcement: “Larkin teaches that anyone, from a teenage girl, to a grandfather, blind man to investment banker, can learn the life-saving technique …”

We had to wonder – if you threw all four of these potential victims into a cage match, who would be left standing?