First Round: Worth a tri

As you’d expect from a group of thrusting alpha private equity types engaged in a common charitable cause at an Olympian venue, the emphasis was very much on taking part and the Corinthian spir-…. OK, OK, fine. Maybe some were sweating blood and grinding each other into the dust in pursuit of a) personal kudos and b) a small but palpable psychological advantage for their firm.

In which case, it was perhaps telling that the fastest times for both men and women in the top race – the Marlborough Partners Advanced Sprint Triathlon, which involved a 750m swim, a 21.2km bike ride and a 5km run – both went to denizens of global buyout behemoth CVC Capital Partners. Richard Blackburn and Gemma Farrell took the respective honours, and went home clothed in sporting immortality and a giant hunk of raw meat (NB. Only one of these is even possibly true). Not surprisingly, the firm also won the award for the fastest team overall.

In the other (marginally less gruelling) events, there were also individual wins for Simon March of Apax Partners, Claire Cherry of Calculus Capital, Leander Marks of Simpson Thacher Bartlett, and Peter James of TPG Capital, while RR Donnelly took the honours in the other team race.

Now normally First Round would have absolutely no truck with this wanton display of athletic prowess. However, in this instance, since they managed to raise over £100,000 (and counting) for Impetus-PEF – whose work focuses on helping disadvantaged children with education and employment – it’s prepared to turn a blind eye just this once. Bravo to all concerned. Now: time for a lie-down.