So there it lies, right before my running shoes – David Snow’s oxys, or gauntlet, which he threw down to me here on PEO a month ago. It’s a sight that gives me hope: at least he knows he won’t be needing a metal glove when he attempts to run the Marathon of Marathons in Athens this autumn.
But I doubt my friend and colleague understands much else about the misery he’s in for. The problem is, Snow is no runner, and yet he says he is going to defeat me on 31 October. Please Hermes, god of athletics (along with travel, messengers, trade, thievery, cunning wiles, language, writing, diplomacy, and animal husbandry – hats off to you Hermes, it’s a well diversified portfolio…) – you must help David Snow!
As far as I’m aware, David’s fitness regime consists of an annual half-day kayak trip in his native Hawaii, when he and his brothers paddle to some remote beach to play banjo and get drunk on Whiskey. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t fill me with confidence about the challenge that awaits him.
More troublingly still, my colleagues in New York, where our esteemed Editor-in-Chief is based, report that despite having signed up for this epic contest weeks ago, he doesn’t appear to have started his training. Who’s now running to work from his Brooklyn home first thing in the morning? Or pacing along the Hudson at lunchtime? Well, not David Snow, from what I hear. You really do have to worry.
His idea that he will run the Marathon of Marathons faster than I will is of course preposterous. Not only am I vastly more experienced, having finished the London Marathon a year ago (and lived – just – to tell the tale). But I also went for a jog three weeks ago, which means in terms of preparation I am miles ahead already.
Besides, poor Snow is just weeks away from his 40th birthday. So I, at only 39 this summer, have the clear advantage of youth to boot. Seriously: who is he kidding?
I am of course lucky that he has chosen to settle our longstanding private equity-editor vs. private equity-editor rivalry by way of a sporting duel. Had he proposed a writing contest, let alone a Karaoke battle, he’d be a clear favourite. But on that long, winding and apparently very hilly road to Athens, there will only ever be one winner: me.
Of course, with David participating, my own hopes of completing the race in a fast time have vanished. Because once he hits the wall, I will need to look after him. I may even have to carry him to the finish. But I am not afraid: in the event of such an emergency, I will turn to the 250 private equity and infrastructure pros on the MoM team for help. Dave may run out of steam, but together we will bring him back home.
Whatever happens in Athens on October 31: there will be drama. There will be pain. But there will also be deep joy, and the event will be truly, truly unforgettable. Luckily for you, there is still time to enter the Marathon of Marathons. Click here to secure your place now, to join the team and to help raise €2.5 million for children’s charities around the world including UNICEF.
Once you’re on board, enjoy your training. And when you finally arrive in Athens for the race, look out for David and give him a word of encouragement. He sure is going to need it.