Origination fees, hy-per-bol-e,
many agree to disagree
Yes, this is about PE

All unprepared for this crisis
As a result,
Portfolio holdings may be impaired –
few will be spared or even up
Who can re-up?

GPs, LPs, locked in screen-based debates
Not many at ease – how to appease?
Endless Teams calls on:
how to handle this communicable disease?

Another LPAC to attend
What now to amend?
What new bag of tricks to discuss –

The endemic, will it be systemic?
Triggers a polemic amongst academics
Professor Phalippou reported on an old rue
The focus of his data-based story?
A magical fac-tor-y, in the land of car-ry

Europe soon to be de-annexed
Now funds are being annexed
PCs infected. Test and trace required
Who misses face-to-face?

Primaries, secondaries –
anyone else feel tertiary?
No vaccine for these woes
This is no one’s fault,
but some, do default

Subscription lines or more wine?
Both to be used within the guidelines

Deal by deal carry
but there may be a drawback –
dreaded clawback

Leverage, are we above average?
Giving some a haemorrhage
Some GPs see red
Time for a GP-led
May become widespread
Make no doubt,
a long list of leveraged buyouts –
bailed out
By the Fed but what
is left to serve from the reserve?

For financial institutions,
promised distributions dry up
The solution?
You bet, more debt
And the newest fad, NAVs

Ab initio – who is on video?
Us all on Zoom
Boom! Our new virtual boardroom
Not another interview webinar?
Zoe’s cartoons, brings a smile

The clouds are black
but the new colour is Green
The E. The S. And, of course, the G

More on-line AGMs
Dante’s Nine Circles of Hell
Perpetual on-line meetings,
a form of virtual reality

Excels and propaganda machines into overdrive
How do I explain covid-adjusted
EBITDA to my Da?

The shape of the recovery
V, L? How about F?
New angle of attack, SPACs
Take their own share of flack

Yearn to be in a hot jurisdiction
Time to read some fiction
hmm… where is that GP’s latest PPM rendition?

One day the virus tiers will disappear
For now,
Christmas and virtual mass await
We can look forward to
the Holy Writ of Brexit,
and a night out on the tiles
and, nay forget,
you are all top quartile

Who can hear this? Wait –
oh shoot, I’m on mute
December 2020
PE Cummings (working from home)

Eamon Devin is a partner at corporate and investment funds law firm MJ Hudson with experience in secondaries, LP representation, co-investments, M&A and private fund formation. He represents a number of GPs, family offices, fund of funds, national governments and other high-profile investors.